what day is it?

My eyes peek open. I feel the humid air.

0 missed calls, 0 text messages, 1 email.
I am not going to think about him.

I drag myself out of bed and walk hazily to the refrigerator. My feet feel cool against the wooden floors. I search the compartments of the fridge. I realize that I don't know what I'm looking for. I go back to bed. I feel safe and in-place and I feel myself. But I have nothing to say to myself. My daily concern is 'What looks good on me?' I have nothing to believe in. I'm 17 and this frightens me. I can feel pain.

Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everyone I've ever known.
I want to blame everyone for making feel so little. I am boring. With this in mind, I can't seem to push myself out of the bed. I can already tell it's going to rain.

My day starts disappointing the people I care about the most and let down by the people I care least.

I think of all the countless things I am going to do. I flick through the pages of my school planner. Visual Communication Design, Psychology, Design Technology, Math. I reassure myself that I can endure this. I think of what my boss told me about his wines last night. He had been preserving wines for over ten years. When he finally opened a bottle, the wine was smooth and the burning sensation didn't appear in his throat until swallowed. He had patience.
Will being patient make me successful in life?

I look at myself in the mirror. The shadows under my eyes have become permanent. I see the blemishes under my chin, forehead, and nose. T-zone area. This is a bad skin month. I consider having a facial cleaning regime. No. That Clearasil cleanser Mum bought does a moderate job. I am not high maintenance.

I locate myself to my study area. I look at the scattered papers, pens and school-related knick knacks I never find a use for. I open my laptop. If I stay here for too long, I will dim. This is an unusually long and exhausting morning. This feeling shall pass.

It is 2:06 PM. I need to finish all my work today. But then again, there's always tomorrow.